Cutting in
by Katormy
Summary: Matt has been cutting himself, Mello is not happy. Rated M For cursing, self harm, rape, and eating disorders in future.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Death note.

Have fun reading this.

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Cutting in.

Matt POV

I put down my razor for the 4th time this week, it was only Tuesday. I sighed, if Mello ever found out I would be dead, but isn't that what I want?. I grabbed a red towel and began to clean the pooling blood around me when Mello started pounding on the door.

"Matt, open up!" Mello yelled. "I know what you're doing in there!"

"Uhh…Taking a piss?" I gave as a cover up, what gave it away? My 1 ½ hour long showers? The fact that I wear long sleeve shirts to bed in the middle of summer?

Just then Mello kicked in the door, leaving me with a towel of blood and bleeding wrists right in front of him. I didn't really know what happened, but somehow my two wrists were grasped by Mello's strong, beautiful, soft hands.

"Mail." He said. I was shaking. He wasn't fucking around. He was so calm almost like he had been practicing for this moment.

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Very first fanfic! Hope I did good! Review please, will be updated soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Do I look like some guy that owns Death note? I thought not. :)

Have fun reading.

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"Mello, I can…" He cut me off.

"How long?" He whispered.

"Ever since you left." My dumb ass mouth answered.

Damn. Why did I say that to him? But it is the truth, I was a wreak when he left, after all I was in love with the guy. He was my everything and he just left.

Then I shut my eyes and then a stinging sensation was in my check, I opened my eyes and spat out blood. That fuck face slapped me!

"What the hell was that for!" I yelled.

"Are you fucking crazy? What's the real reason your doing this and don't try and say it was because of me-" his voice broke, were those tears in his eyes? I couldn't tell before he ran out of the room.

"Mello, WAIT!" I yelled and ran after him.

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Thanks for reading. Reveiws are cool. :) P.S. Next chapter will be longer.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mello!" I spun him around from his run form. Oh my Mario, he was crying, I made Mello, the indestructible tough Mello himself cry.

"Mello," I said in a softer voice, "What's wrong?"

"You didn't really start because of me did you?" He said sniffling.

I looked down. I guess he does care about me, I mean if he can cry over something I guess it must mean he loves it.

I looked back up and he looked very angry.

"Mail, you did, didn't you." He said oh-so seriously.

"Yes."

Then he punched me in the face. "Dude, what the fuck?" I looked up from my swelling face and saw him coming and I ran. Oh yes I ran, I ran out of the house and down 7 blocks before I got tiered. I looked back to see people staring none of which my blonde wanna-be boyfriend. I sighed, well at least I was near a park. I walked up to a tree and leaned against it, in till I fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you: Beyond'sWaraNingyo, and LLives for the reviews I appreciate it so much, and I know it's short but I improved 100 words so yeah...bye. :)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

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_Mello came angrily into the room, cursing to himself, grabbing a bag, throwing all his chocolate and clothes into it._

_ "Melloooooo-" an 13 year old version of me said to my secret crush, "What are you doin'?"_

_ "I'm leaving this damned place." _

_ That was it those were the words that killed me, at first I thought he was joking, but when I saw him heading towards the door with his bag I knew he was serious._

_ "Mello! Wait, why don't you stay?" I said pleading, "Why do you want to leave so bad?"_

_ "Because that fuck-tard Roger told me that L is dead and that he wants me and that albino freak to work together!" He yelled._

_ "Oh, well why don't you take me with you?" He looked at me sadly and I knew what the answer was. "Please, Mels!" I said about to cry._

_ "I'm sorry" He said walking out the door. _

_ "No!" I said and did the first think that popped into my mind. I kissed him. It was nice for my first kiss, Mello tasted like chocolate, he was soft on my lips almost like he wanted this too, Mello pulled back after about 10 seconds._

_ After that Mello sighed, and pulled me into a hug. "I still have to go though," he said softly, "and were I'm going you can't go."_

_ I said nothing, than he walked out of the room, was I going to let him go? I guess I was I mean I wasn't running after him like the dog he always said I was._

I woke in a cold sweat, by a car horn. I looked up to see Mello driving my red car right into the park, yep that's my Mello.

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Thanks for reading. I 3 reviews.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

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I quickly got into the car, greeted by the scolding face of Mels.

"Hey Mels," I said quietly. "What's up?"

He looked at me and mumbled nothing fucking much, so he was still mad. Shocker.

"Don't be mad." I whispered.

"I'm going to be whatever the fuck I want to be, Matt, you've been doing this for 6 mother fucking years! I can't believe you doing that to your beautiful skin! You know you can die from that shit! And it's even worse that you started because of me! How does it make you feel Matt, how the fuck does it make you feel?" He yelled.

"Happy, sad, nervous, mad, alone, and guilty." I said embarrassed.

Than he looked at me for the first time since I got in the car, and put the back of his hand up to my face and mumbled "Your swelling, but that's my fault too."

"…" I looked outside to see we were already at our apartment I quickly got out of the car ready to chop my arm off when Mello grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.

"What is it, Mels?" I asked innocently. "You won't anymore." It wasn't a question it was a statement.

"I need to take a shower." I said angrily. Who was he to say what I will and will not do? I knocked off his hand and ran inside, and into the bathroom.

I look into all of te drawers to see that Mello had took all of my blades, that ass hole, but thats alright I rolled up my sleeve to see my emergentcy blade taped to my forearm along with scars some faded, and some bright red. I took my razor and slid it across my wrist, I repeated that motion 16 more times until Mello knocked on the door.

"Matt, get your ass out here, you've been in there 32 miniuts and I don't hear the water running!"

I hurried and put the razor back, cleaned up the blood rolled down my sleeves and opened the door.

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Ohhhh cliffhanger! I love reveiws...and Matt!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

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"What Mels?" I asked angrily. He merely smiled at me, oh no he didn't! He thinks he is so smart. He thinks he has won, but I know I have. I rolled up the sleeve that didn't have the razor blade, and I showed him, HA! That was my slap in the face! He looked at it and looked shocked, even angry. I flinched as I prepared for the hit that never came. I opened my eyes to see a beautiful, scar faced, blonde-haired, blue-eyed man, and I don't know what came over me but I did what I dream off every night, I kissed that sexy beast, and the scary thing is: he didn't pull back, he actually kissed me back! I opened my mouth to let his tongue invade my pie hole (A.N. Hahaha hole) I finally pulled back gasping for air.

"Your still in trouble." He said as he picked me up.

"Mello, what are you…"

"Hush." He shushed me putting me down on the bed "We will talk about it tomorrow."

"O.K. Mello." I said falling into a deep sleep.

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Kinda short. Sorry. :( I still like reveiws though! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

Thanks: Beyond'sWaraNingyo, LLives, and MattXMelloMXM2forever for the reviews!

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_"Mail! Get your fat ass out of bed!" My bitch of a mother had screamed just before she grabbed my hair and dragged me out of bed._

_ "Ow-, mommy I'm sorry!" I yelled out in pain. _

"_You're damned right to be sorry!" She let go of my hair and slapped me across the face. That was the day I ran away from home and got picked up from an black-headed man who still sucks his thumb, but I can still feel it._

_Slap!_

_Slap! _

_Slap! _

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I woke up to see my fat self just lying in bed, I went into the bathroom, leaned over the toilet, stuck my finger down my throat and puked up everything I didn't eat in the past 24 hours, then I cleaned up the vomit that didn't quite make it into the bowl, walked out of the bathroom to see Mello sitting on my bed shaking his head, mumbling to himself.

"So you cut yourself, and now you're bulimic?" He yelled.

"…" Yep, he caught me.

"You're going to counseling," He said, "right now."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. P.S I am in the process of moving so yeah it might be a while before I update. Love ya. :)

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"What? Mello, I don't need counseling." I said angrily.

"Yes, you do! Your cutting yourself and your throwing up everything you eat and I barely ever see you eat!" He yelled at me, he looked furious, I've never seen him so angry, except for the time I touched his chocolate. He walked out of the room and came back in and said my appointment with Darla was at 1. I can't believe this! I don't need counseling, I need a razor! Mello wouldn't let me out of his sight until the appointment, I wouldn't blame him.

He looked at the clock.

"It's time to go," He said. "Get in the car."

"K'"

We got to the bitch of a woman's place; Mello killed the ignition, and asked me a question.

"Why do you do it?" He said softly, "I'm here now."

I answered him honestly.

"Because, I like it, it comforts me, unlike you, nobody else cares about me!" I yelled.

"What? First of all, I care about you, Matt, second of all if you think a razor cares about you then you do need counseling!" He screamed.

Wait did he say he cares about me? Yeah he did.

"Mello… Do you love me?" I asked.

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Ohhhhh cliffhanger!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

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I want to think two special people: LLives for the reviews and Catreana for the encouragement to make it longer (which I did (:) also I want to think: Mello-obsessed, Beyond'sWaraNingro, and mattxmellomxm2forever, thank you all for the reviews.

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I sighed, this meant no, I know what I'll be doing when I get home. I was thinking about my suicidal plans, when Mello jammed his lips against mine, it was a passionate kiss, not a pity one.

"Does that answer your question?" He demanded between kisses. I nodded, he loves me, my life is complete.

"But I'll never deserve you," I whispered, "I'm a fat ass, fucking cutting, fuck-up…"

"Matt! Don't ever talk about yourself in that way or…" he said as he thought of something evil, "or I'll have to rape you."

I smirked. "I'm a dumb ass."

He smirked too, "You're asking for it." He said and kissed me again. After a while of sucking (of the face that is) Mello looked at the car clock and broke away.

"Your appointment started ten minutes ago."

"Ok" I said getting out of the car door.

"Wait." He said as he gave me a quick peck, I smiled as I turned around.

"I love you." He said. My heart fluttered as I got a tingly feeling in my stomach.

"I love you too." The words came so naturally, like the gods were expecting this. I got out of the car and he drove away, I took a deep breath and walked through the door.

A woman was sitting in the waiting room…well waiting, she looked up from her clipboard and smiled.

"Hello, I'm Darla, you must be Matt, shall we go to my office?"

"K'" I said, we walked into her office and all her happiness faded. She was now the most depressed woman I've ever seen. She was quiet for a while.

"Matt," she finally said, "Mello tells me that you have been hurting yourself." It sounded like a question.

"Uhh…yeah, well I used to, I don't think I will anymore." I said confidently.

"Uh-hum, and your bulimia?" She said writing something down on her clipboard.

"My parents used to call me fat." I whispered sadly.

Then she looked up, "Oh, I see now, were you're parents abusive?"

"Yeah…well sometimes."

She smiled, and it wasn't even a comforting smile. It was a smile that said Ha! I was right! What a bitch.

"So how long have you been hurting yourself?"

"6 years."

"How long have you been throwing up?"

"Ever since my mom called me fat for the first time and I found out it was a good way to lose weight." I said.

She nodded.

"Well, you say you won't do it again, but I believe you will, cutting, believe it or not, is an addiction, you probably won't be able to quit it cold turkey, same with bulimia."

As I said before, what a bitch, "I can stop if I want to!"

"Okay…" She said sarcastically.

"Fuck you!" I said as I ran out of the room, and into the parking lot, where Mello was waiting for me.

"Hey," He said as I got in the car. "What's wrong? You were only in there 20 minutes…"

"That lady is an ass fuck."

"What did she say?" Mello asked as we sped away from the hell hole.

"Well…"

After I told Mello almost word for word what happened he almost tried to call up one of his mafia buddies to get a hit on he, luckily for her, I stopped him.

"Well since that didn't work…" then he mumbled something.

"What was that, love?" I asked curiously.

"…"

"Huh?"

"How about group therapy?" He asked loudly.

"What? Group therapy?"

"Yeah, I looked into it while you were in your section."

"…Will it make you happy if I go?"

"Very much so," He said nodding.

"I sighed, "Fine, I'll go."

He smiled. He was happy. I was happy.

"I going to take a shower…want to help?" I said sexually. (A.N:Ha Ha Sex )

"Yes sir!" He said when his phone rang, he sighed and answered it. I played with his hair while he talked.

"Shit!" He yelled as he hung up.

"What is it, Melly-Belly?"

"Rod just fucking blew some guys head- did you just call me 'melly-belly'?"

I smiled. He smiled too, then sighed.

"I have to go." He said.

I stopped smiling.

"Bye, I love you." I said sadly.

"Love you too, and don't be sad, I'll be back soon, I promise." He said as he pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

I sighed, I loved that guy. He left then I walked into the bathroom…alone. I got into my birthday suit and saw the razor…

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Ohhh...cliffy!...again.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for all of the reveiws everybody! And to Catreana: Hugs back.

Enjoy the chapter.

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Wait…What am I doing? I don't want this! But then again…I do, the pain of bleeding out your emotions, the little red dots that come up after you cut, how red it gets, and how much it stings afterwards, before I knew it the razor was in my hand.

_'I'll only do it one time' _I thought, I stuck out my wrist and brought the blade up as far as my arm would take it and slit.

That's a lot more blood than usual, oh well…is what I thought before ten minuets of pure pressure from a towel and it was still bleeding. I started to feel dizzy and panicked. I quickly called Mello on his cell phone.

"Mello…I need you home…I cut and I'm dizzy…please help" I said before collapsing on his bed, I think I heard hi say something like 'on my way' or close I couldn't tell before I passed out.

I woke up to hear Mello's voice in another room along with one other voice that sounded strangely familiar.

"Mello…" I called out. He then ran into the room followed by, but not as fast, an albino twirling his hair, Near, what was he doing here?

"Matt, we wrapped up your wrist and stopped the bleeding, how do you feel?" Mello asked, his voice dripping with sympathy.

"Fine." I lied.

"Oh." He said as his face turned from worry to anger.

"Mail," he said so dangerously low that Near couldn't hear, Near was still twirling his hair looking away.

He started to speak louder, and louder. "I thought you told the councilor you weren't going to do it anymore."

Near was now looking at me, as if expecting an answer.

"I was only going to do it one time." I gave as an excuse. He looked mad, great he was upset, I hate myself, god I am such a fuck-up!

"Don't cry, Matt." He said in a softer voice while kissing my tears away, Near looked at us and looked to be a mixture of mad and shocked. I looked at Mello and smiled. He smiled a sad smile back.

"Your group is in 20 minuets." He said, "and now you're defiantly going."

Near then got up and left.

"What's he doing here?" I asked.

Mello sighed. "He has the only doctor, with me being in the mafia and all, the cops were already on my ass and yeah."

I blinked. "Oh, I see."

"Why did you do it?" He asked sadly.

"I…really don't know" I said chuckling.

He sighed again. "Well, I guess I'll leave you alone to get ready for group, no cutting or barfing while I'm gone, k'?" He then kissed my forehead and left.

I sighed too and went into the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror, god, I was hideous, so pale, blood red hair, my fat ass stomach…god I bet I was just a huge disappointment to my mom and dad…and Mello.

"Mail, what are you doing?" I jumped.

"Don't sneak up on my like that!"

He smiled, and got behind me where we were both looking into the mirror.

"Damn, you're beautiful." He said.

I snickered, he must be high, I turned around and said "So are you" while kissing his scar. He then cupped my face and kissed me, I was the one who had to pull back and catch my breath .

"I think I'll have a surprise for you after group." He said mysteriously.

"Okay," I said smiling.

Then we got into the car and drove to group.

"Bye, I love you, have a good time."

I rolled my eyes, "yeah right, a good time." He laughed then drove away. Than I walked into the building.

Oh my god, what has Mello done, there were psycho-looking people everywhere/

I went and sat down in the circled chairs where nobody was sitting. Then a girl with blonde, purple, and green hair, facial piercings, a Ke$hs t-shirt, and short blue jeaned shorty-shorts (A.N. Do you really think Matt would say shorty-shorts?) came up and sat next to me.

"Hey sup, man?" She said like a tom boy.

"Uhh…nothing much." I answered awkwardly.

"First time, eh?" She said looking into space, "What ya in for?"

"Uhh…" I was silent.

"Oh…the shy type, I like that type, I'll go first, I did some LSD back in my day, and I tried to kill myself because I thought my girlfriend didn't like me like that." She said smiling, "My names Clair by the way."

Just then the paper that rapped up my wrist came undone, I rolled up my sleeve, and rewrapped it, completely forgetting about Clair.

"Oh," She said not smiling for once. "That's why you're here, yeah Kim does the same thing, plus she's bulimic."

"Wow…" Kind of like me.

"Yeah I know right, she the strawberry blonde over there in the purple and black stripes…stripes…hey, just like you!" She said smiling yet again.

"Okay, everyone," The group leader said, "Take your seats."

Please don't start with me! Please don't start with me! Please don't start with me! I thought as I crossed my fingers.

"Well I see a new face, Matt, let's start with you," She said smiling, as everyone looked at me.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"Because my boyfriend sent me." I said smiling, everyone except Kim laughed.

The leader sighed, "Okay, why did he send you?"

I smirked "I really don't know, between you and me I think he does drugs, probably go them from Clair, am I right?" I said looking at Clair. Even Kim cracked a smile when Clair said, "You know it!"

The leader, Katherine, sighed and told us we were moving on.

There were a lot of drugies, anorexics, and just plain psychos, but at the end of the group I just couldn't wait to see Mello.

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Next chapter: Yaoi! Any body want to help (I'm only 13 and I can't write hot steamy male sex very good) :)


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